Cuz It's Fanfiction!
by aSeaNoMoon
Summary: Kate comes over to Castle's apartment and things happen from there. A RIDICULOUSLY CRACKY PARODY STORY. You're going to need an open mind for this one.
1. Chapter 1

**It was brought to my attention that some people think that just because it's fanfiction, that they can do anything they want. And while that is true to an extent, somethings just shouldn't be done or changed (when it's not in an AU setting) and so it spawned this little creation.**

**This is in no way making fun of any particular author or authors, just a combination of various unfortunate things I've seen over the years in fanfictions and other things.**

**It turned out pretty hilarious, according to some people, so it is now being posted.**

**So enjoy, or not. **

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><p>Castle was just getting to the good part of a movie he was watching on tv when the doorbell rang. The movie was called "For Lovers Only" and he was just about to get to the part where the character who looked a <em>lot<em> like Beckett was getting it on with her lover boy. For obvious reasons, it was his favorite part so he wasn't exactly happy with the person ringing his doorbell and interrupting his 'fun time'.

However, when he opened the door and looked down at the detective who was a full two feet shorter without her heels on, he didn't mind missing that part so much.

"Why, Detective Beckett, what brings you here?" he says, looking down at her with that famous Castle grin and pouring on the 'Castle Charm'.

"I uh..." Her carefully thought up excuse for coming over flew out the window and she was afraid her mouth was going to start moving without her and tell him that she really came over just because she didn't want to be alone after such a hard case.

Thankfully, he spoke up before that could happen. "Oh well, it doesn't matter. Won't you come in?"

"That was a nice movie, Castle. I didn't think you'd be into things like that." She turned to face him on the couch and he looked everywhere but her.

"Uh yeah. Many layers to the Castle onion and all that..." he trailed off, thanking god that somehow she hadn't noticed how similar her and the character looked. They were both silent for a few minutes before she noticed the stack of dvds next to the dvd player that was under the tv on the giant entertainment center located right smack-dab in front of the couch.

"Were you planning a movie marathon or something, Castle?" she asked, and he jumped at the chance to get her to stay longer.

"Why yes I was. Care to stay for a while?" He could see that she was hesitating so he turned the patented "Castle Smoulder" on her and she caved right away.

"Well, I guess I could..." She picked one off the top of the stack and popped it into the dvd player before walking back over to the couch on legs that felt like jelly. That's what the "Castle Smoulder" did to her.

Castle sat back on the couch and tried, and failed, to hide his grin that quickly turned into a frown as the title screen came on the screen and he realized what movie she had put in.

It wouldn't have mattered what movie she had picked from the stack though, since he had stacked up all the movies that had people that looked like her in it and was planning to have a marathon of all of them.

"Huh, I guess you do have pretty good tastes in movies. All of those were really good! They all had really good plots and that Librarian one? That was so cool how they did all those special effects! Especially when she was flying through the air like that." Kate said after they had finished watching all 9 movies in the stack in a row without breaks.

"I know, right?" Castle breathed a sigh of relief that she seemed oblivious to the fact that every single one of the movies they just watched had someone who looked like her in them.

Beckett opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a sudden tremendous roar of thunder that shook the whole apartment and suddenly they were aware of heavy rain and hail pelting against the windows.

"Were we expecting a storm?" Castle wondered and she shrugged so he flipped on the tv and changed it to the weather channel where there were multiple storm warnings going across the screen and a frantic looking weatherman speaking frantically.

"HURRICANE MOOKY HAS HIT THE CITY. WE EXPECT HUNDRED MILE HOUR DAMAGING WINDS AND FLOODED STREETS. TAKE SHELTER NO-" Right then the power cut out and Kate used that as an excuse to get closer to Castle on the couch.

"Well, I guess that means you are stuck here for the night." he said, grinning down at her, glad that she couldn't see it.

"Guess so, what are we going to do when it starts to get cold though? It is winter, you know." She thought about all the possible ways they could keep warm- them cuddling on the couch, making out in his bed, cuddling on the floor, cuddling in the closet, making out in the closet, cuddling in the kitchen- but then he crushed her hopes and dreams by telling her that the backup generator would kick on anytime.

And right as he said that, it did. The lights flashed back on and so did the tv but before the frantic news man could say anything, Castle flicked the tv off and turned to Beckett.

"Since you are staying the night, I guess we should get you some comfortable clothes to change into." He stood up and held out a hand for her and when she took it, he pulled her off the couch and didn't let go of her hand until he got over by the stairs and had to let her hand go to clap his hands together twice.

Immediately the floor in front of them started opening and out came a stripper pole.

"Castle, what the-"

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"Castle! I am not dancing on a stripper pole for you!" she yelled at him with her hands on her hips and he just chuckled at her.

"Then watch this," he said and her eyes got wide. He wasn't really going to... No, surely not? But he did. Kate watched through horrified eyes as he walked over to the pole and grabbed a hold of it with his hands, giving it a little test swing to make sure he was balanced enough then he swung himself up and around the pole multiple times, giving her his best grin as he swung himself around the stripper pole.

Once he got tired of swinging around he flipped himself up and then mimed walking down an imaginary wall, which was pretty cool in her opinion. She found herself cheering him on, and even managed to find a dollar in her pocket that she went over and stuffed in the band of his pants. He flipped upside down once again and held on with his legs so he could raise his upper body up in a sort of bow before dramatically sliding, upside down, into the room below.

Beckett stared at the pole for a few seconds, wondering what she was supposed to do now when she heard him speak from below.

"Come on down! Oh are you going to do a show first? Wait! Wait until I get back up there!" She heard him scrambling around down there so she just walked over to the pole and slid down it normally into a very pink and very sparkly room.

"Uh, Castle? What is this?" she asked as she looked around the fairy themed room and suddenly Castle was in front of her, handing her shirt and boxers to change into.

"It's my bedroom. You don't like it?" He worried that she might not approve of his choice of theme, but he was a millionaire and could have whatever room he wanted so it didn't matter.

"Your room is in your basement?"

"Yeah? Where did you think it would be, upstairs?"

"Well no, I just assumed it was in that room that's attached to your office. What's in there then?"

"Nope, that's the bath house. Duh." Kate nodded her head, of course it made sense that he would have a bath house. She briefly wondered if she would ever get to try it out.

"So, go change, the bathroom is over there and then I'll take you back up stairs and you can pick which guest room you want to use. I've added a few more since you were here last." He gently took her by the shoulders and pushed her into the bathroom where she stopped and looked curiously around the very familiar bathroom.

It was her bathroom. But how? She sat the clothes on the counter and then walked over to the other door in the bathroom and quickly opened it, not at all surprised to see her bedroom on the other side. She'd always wondered what that other door in her bathroom went to, now she knew.

Closing the door to her bedroom she turned back to the counter and put on his shirt and boxers and hurried back out into his room.

"We share a bathroom." She stated when she came out and saw him standing there waiting for her.

"You didn't know that? Wow, Kate, some detective you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to use our bathroom. I'll be right back to show you the new guest rooms." He brushed by her and headed into the bathroom and when she heard the door click shut, she had a crazy idea.

She was ready.

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and stopped dead in his tracks when the pale moonlight shone on the detective's bare backside as she stood, apparently naked, facing away from him.

"K-Kate?" he squeaked out, eyes as wide as Laswaldo Nickelbumps' milk saucer would be if he had a kitten named Laswaldo Nickelbumps who drank milk out of a dish.

She turned around and all he could see were the huge perfect E cup breasts swinging back and forth on her chest from her movement. All he could think at that moment was that her bra must be a TARDIS because it was definitely bigger on the inside. That's the only way she was able to hide them from him all these years.

"Do me, Castle." Was all that she said and without even a second of hesitation or thought as to why she was suddenly offering herself on a silver platter to him, he pounced on her.

They fell backwards with a giggle and landed perfectly in the middle of his bed that took up nearly all of the space in the room.

Hours later they collapsed next to each other, breathing hard and panting like dogs in the middle of summer.

"Hey, Castle? Do you love me?" she asked quietly, looking up at him through her lashes as she rolled over to lay on his chest.

"Of course, Oopsy-Poopsy Boo, I love you so much." he said without hesitation. After all, they had just had crazy, mind-blowing, acrobatic monkey sex so there wasn't much point of hiding it anymore.

She started absentmindedly drawing objects on his chest- a book, a mountain bike, a broom handle- and then looked up at him again with a smile on her face.

"Will you love me forever?" She continued smiling at him, thinking she knew the answer to the question but he looked down at her with a serious expression on his face.

"No." he said and her eyes got wide, wider than Laswaldo Nickelbumps' imaginary milk saucer and she immediately got up and fumbled around the room (she couldn't see because it was raining on her face) until she found the small hole in the wall that she instinctively knew was the way out. She crawled in and found a tunnel lit with just a black light shining off the glowing rope ladder in front of her. She reached out to grab the ladder but missed a couple times because her eyes were like water falls but she finally grabbed a hold of it and started climbing up but the sudden burst of rave music that started playing caused her to let go and fall on her still naked butt. At this point she didn't care that she was naked, she just wanted to get away from the man who had just put her heart through a paper shredder multiple times so she got back on the ladder and finally crawled up to the top, the loud rave music giving her the strength she needed to get to the top and crawl out from under the desk in his office.

Castle still sat naked on his bed, staring longingly at the hole she had disappeared into with a sad look on his face.

"I meant to say I will love you FIVE-ever."

(dat meen he luv her moar den 4evr)


	2. Chapter 2

After Kate climbed out from under the desk, she kept on running. Not stopping until she made it to the precinct and took the elevator down to the basement where the morgue was.

"Lanie!" she sobbed, glomping the M.E. who was in the middle of an autopsy. The victim's gallbladder flew from Lanie's hands and slid across the room on the floor, leaving a bloody trail behind as Beckett knocked her to the ground.

"Lanie! Hesaidhewouldn'tlovemeforever!" Kate said so fast that Lanie couldn't understand what she had said.

"What? Girl, calm down."

"Iwent overtohisapartment andthenthe moviesandthestormandthen thestripperpoledowntohis bedroomandwehadsexand hecalledmeOopsy -PoopsyBooand everythingwas goinggood andomghewas soamazinganddidallthese fantasticthingstomeand wastelling mehelovedme overandover againbutthen whenIaskedif hewouldloveme foreverhesaidno!"

"Um…" Lanie just sat there in the middle of the morgue with a dead guy cut open with half his organs removed while Beckett sobbed and spoke incoherent sentences.

Lanie wasn't sure what was going on, but she was going to get to the bottom of it.

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><p><strong>Happy Birthday to a certain someone! You know who you are. That certain person is also being timed on how long it takes you to realize this story is up so let me know when you find it!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

"Castle!" Lanie yelled, causing the whole building to shake with the force of her voice as she kicked open the door to his loft with Beckett following meekly behind her.

"Dr. Parish! What are you doing here?" Castle came out of the kitchen in his neon green briefs and barely got his sentence out before Lanie's hand made contact with the side of his face.

And then continued to attack him until he was curled up on the floor and Kate finally took pity on him and pulled her friend off of him before she did some permanent damage.

"That's not what I meant, Kate! You gotta believe me! See when you asked that I was going to say…" And Castle spent the next couple of hours trying to explain himself.


	4. Chapter 4

"Fiveever? Really, Castle? That is the most ridiculous and stupid thing I've ever heard! And you call yourself a writer!" Lanie fumed then turned around to grab Kate and take her away before they caught his stupidity, but ended up facepalming when she saw the love-struck expression on the detective's face.

"Awww, Rick! That's so romantic!" she squealed and then tackled him onto the couch, completely forgetting that Lanie was still there watching them.

As soon as Kate's hands started wandering down south, Lanie was out of the door like a shot.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Kate woke up to find that they had fallen asleep naked on the couch. She leaned over and was about to wake him up in a very _interesting _way, but suddenly started feeling sick to her stomach.

Leaping up from the couch, she barely made it to the downstairs bathroom before she was seeing her dinner from last night again.

Twenty minutes later, she finally felt well enough to leave the bathroom and when she did, she found Castle waiting on the couch looking at her with a concerned expression on his face.

"Kate? Are you okay?"

"Castle, I…" she hesitated, then looked him straight in the eyes, "I think I'm pregnant."


	6. Chapter 6

Later that morning, Castle and Beckett were riding the elevator up to the 29th floor where the Homicide division was located. Kate was calm as could be, but Castle was bouncing on the balls of his feet, impatiently waiting for the doors to open.

Once they did, he rushed out of the elevator and ran to the middle of the precinct.

"We're expecting!" he yelled, drawing blank looks from everyone in the bullpen.

"Expecting what? A velociraptor?" Espo asked as he and Ryan sat at his desk doing detective-y things.

"No! A baby!" Everyone turned their heads toward Beckett, expecting her to deny or possibly murder him on the spot, but she just smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

"Sir?" Beckett knocked on Gates' door and peeked her head in.

"What is it, Detective?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I have to leave early today, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon."

"Oh? Are you sick?"

"No, sir, I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations, but you know what this means don't you? No more field work."

"Yes, sir."


	8. Chapter 8

"Welcome, is this your first visit?" The nurse asked as Kate and Castle followed her down the hall to a room in the doctor's office.

"Yes."

"Alright then, hop up onto this table here and let's see what we have." Kate did as she was told and laid on the table as the nurse pulled her shirt up over her stomach and pulled over the ultrasound machine.

Instantly a picture appeared on the screen and it didn't take an ultrasound technician to tell that there wasn't just one child growing inside the detective.

"Oh my, congratulations! You're having quintuplets! Looks like two girls and two boys, not sure what that one hiding in the back is though."

Needless to say, Castle and Beckett left the doctor's office pretty shocked.

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><p><strong>To the certain someone, you'll have to wait until later for the other three. My computer isn't cooperating and I'm too tired to fight with it.<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

"Uh, Dad? What's with all the food?" Alexis asked from her spot on the couch when Castle stumbled through the door with a billion shopping bags weighing down his arms.

"Food. Yummy delicious food." Kate replied from behind Castle and followed him to the kitchen with Alexis following right after.

"Uh…" The young girl looked at her father and his muse, trying to figure out what in the world had happened between them, but then her eyes fell to the detective's stomach.

"Are you pregnant?" she screeched.

"Yes she is, isn't it wonderful, Pumpkin? You're going to have lots of siblings!" Castle said thinking that his daughter would be happy for them, but he was wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

"Castle, stop being a baby." Kate threw her onion and pickle icecream covered spoon at Castle when he wouldn't stop whining.

"But, Alexis…"

He really had thought she'd be okay with him and Kate getting together, but seeing as she had run out of the loft in a mad fit, screaming that she was moving to California to marry Billy Bob McFrackersmacker that she had met on the internet, smoke all the drugs she wants, and spit out more kids than they would ever _think_ of having.

Still, it could have been worse, Castle thought. She could have gone off to marry Alex Conrad.


	11. Chapter 11

"Girl, you are never going to believe this!" Lanie shouted through the phone when Kate finally found her phone that had gotten lost in the pile of fluffy pink covers.

"What?" Kate asked.

"Well…" Lanie said.

"Lanie, get on with it." Kate said.

"I'm pregnant too! And so is Jenny! We're all going to have our kids at the same time! This is so awesome!" Lanie said.

"Oh my god!" Kate squealed, causing Castle to jerk awake then quickly fall back asleep before she sent him on another crazy food craving run.

The End.


	12. Epilogue

A few months later, Kate, Lanie, and Jenny all went into labor at the same time and gave birth to their respective children at exactly the same time.

Kate gave birth to her quintuplets which she then named Johanna, Johanna 2, Richard, Richard 2, and she ended up naming the last one Richanna because they still weren't entirely sure what gender he/she was. Castle was convinced it was an alien, but he would love it just like he loved all his other children.

Johanna ended up being a lawyer like her grandmother, but then found the love of her life and ended up moving to California to be a hippie like her infamous older sister, Alexis McFrackersmacker.

Johanna 2 followed in her mother's footsteps and joined the NYPD and quickly rose in the ranks until she became Captain. Eventually she got married.

Richard left home at the ripe age of thirteen and joined the CIA, and under the tutelage of his grandfather, he became the best CIA ever. He eventually ended up marrying the daughter of Sophia Turner, Clara, and they lived happily ever after. Until they found out who Clara's father really was…

Richard 2 wrote his first best-selling novel at the age of four and sold more books than his father by the age of ten.

Richanna studied hard in school and eventually became an astronaut. On one mission, he/she never came home but Castle never worried about her/him. He figured he/she had finally found his/her real family out there in space somewhere.

Lanie gave birth to a tiny little girl named Esplanie who later joined the NYPD to be with the love of her life and eventually got married to Johanna 2.

Jenny gave birth to identical twins, a boy and a girl who she named Leppy and Leprina, but that's a story for another time…


End file.
